Ms Electra, allow me to introduce…

I’ve looked for father figures in a lot of my boys. Guys who will wrap me up in their arms and let me be small. I’d even say I’ve manipulated people into treating me like that, subconsciously, of course. 😉

The reason is simple, and oh so classically Freudian. My father, while being a massively generous provider of schooling, clothes, books, holidays, cars and other sweetmeats, is quite emotionally distant.

While ponies and private school have undoubtedly shaped the person I am, so has being scared that if I fall and graze my knee, no one is going to kiss it better.

That said, seeking unconditional support and comfort from people I’m dating hasn’t worked out that well for me, and it took a long time to figure out why.

For a start, it’s quite a lot to ask of someone who isn’t my father (kinky fetishes aside, that’s a whole different ball park). It’s draining to take responsibility for someone else’s emotional health along with your own. Then there’s the problem of me feeling resentful if I think that yet another ‘father’ is rejecting me.

The real turning point in this cycle was just over a year ago, but it takes me a v-e-r-y l-o-o-o-o-n-g time to process some things (!). Now I’ve realised that the key isn’t finding someone who fits the emotionally protective bill, it’s accepting that I don’t actually need anyone to fulfil that role except myself.

Interestingly, in all the relationships where I’ve been emotionally needy, I’ve been sexually dominant. Now I’m in a relationship where I’m emotionally equal, I’m sexually submissive. I wonder why?

Advertisements

5 Comments»

  elle wrote @

I don’t really have a proper Electra complex, but I *do* have penis envy.

  Torn wrote @

there are always strap-ons to address that 🙂

  elle wrote @

Hella yeah! Stap-ons rocks.

  Torn wrote @

Perv 🙂

  elle wrote @

😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: