How kinky am I?

I was asked this ridiculous question at the weekend. Not that it is a ridiculous question to ask, of course. Just that it is ridiculous to answer, when framed in those terms.

Some, not much, very, 72, green? None of these answers makes any sense, because the question presupposes a universal scale of kinkiness that doesn’t exist. (Unless Kinsey got round to it, in which case probably 4.)

Instead we have to give private or potentially embarrassing specifics (“last Saturday while I was X a guy asked me to Y his Z, and I did!” Have fun filling in the blanks) or we have to attempt to benchmark our kinkiness against the questioner’s.

Do you consider it edge play to fuck with the light on? Then you’ll find me quite kinky. Ever drawn an acid smiley on someone’s breasts with ethanol and set it alight with a violet wand? Then I guess I’m pretty tame. (Ever spank your girlfriend with a 4-foot broadsword? Here’s my number.)

The nice thing about the special theory of kinky relativity is that it encourages tolerance. While no one’s sexual history, preferences, acts or fantasies will plot directly onto anyone else’s, it’s easy to see that the points follow a normal distribution.

For me, being reminded that we all fall somewhere on the same curve makes it easier to say, “Hey, well it’s not my thing, but if you like it fine.” Or to put it another way, it makes me happy to think that one man’s ‘eurgh’ is another man’s ‘ahhh’, and that I can draw a chart to prove it!

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3 Comments»

  jonolan wrote @

Are you from Florida? I’m asking because of the spanking with a broadsword reference. I’ve done that!

  elle wrote @

Damn! No, London UK.

  jonolan wrote @

Ahh…I was wondering if my past had caught up with me.


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