Archive for September, 2009

Pushing back the foreskin of knowledge

Incongruously, I think the title of this post comes from Judy Blume. It’s certainly a quote from a children’s book – I was young enough to be shocked when I read it.

A better title might have been ‘Sleeping with Thai hookers so you don’t have to’ but that wouldn’t have been truthful. The woman took our money and ran long before anyone got laid.

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I promise not to write about mucus

Egads. I had no idea such vast tracts of internet real estate had been claimed by women ‘trying to conceive’ (TTCers).

It makes for scary reading. The blogs are ok – if women want to write about the thickness of their cervical mucus that’s their business – but the forums and chat rooms are infuriating.

There are endless women with names that probably aren’t ‘Permanently Apoplectic of Tunbridge Wells’ asking, for example, whether a TTCer can take B vitamins.

It’s a reasonable question (as it’s the one I was googling 😉 but the same person writes again: Hi, I’m still waiting for an answer.

And then again: No one’s answered my question yet. I’m getting really worried about whether I should stop or not. Can someone help?

Then: I really need someone to reply soon. I don’t know what everyone’s problem is. It’s an important question.

All in the span of 15 minutes.

So much intellectual laziness! It took me about 97 seconds to get google-consensus on an answer. On a forum it’s usually as easy as searching their archives – yet people sit back barking questions, demanding answers and refusing to do any work for themselves. Gah.

I guess this is true of any forum, but there seems to be a certain sort of crazy pervading the pregnancy sites.

Anyway, my other question was whether or not my lube was spermicidal. I answered that one all by myself by reading the label – a rewarding act as I came across this gem:

Avoid contact with ears.

Woah. The world contains some much kinkier people than I’d realised, if we need to stop folk lubing up their ears.


My brave fetus-fighting IUD is gone. Eep.

J and I had a big family planning conversation a while back, but the day I started writing about it was the day I got sacked. Needless to say our plans got suspended – I wanted to make sure I had a job before I committed to the most financially crippling decision I’m ever likely to make.

I’ve been working on a ‘kids by 30’ plan for a while, and said last Christmas that I’d get the coil taken out by next Christmas. J has been more cautious, wanting to know that we’d be financially secure and so on.

Then in June he got promoted and suggested we go for it. And I freaked.

We talked a lot about everything I was scared of, and I think they were sensible things – taking responsibility for another person’s life, changing my own life when it’s so much fun, being so far away from friends and family, being truthful vs being inappropriate as a parent (parenting with integrity?).

But I think it’s a situation where you have to leap without looking. And reasonable fears might apply some selection pressure in favour of becoming reasonable parents, if they are considered fairly.

So. This is it. Dr Judy fished the coil out this morning (slight twinge, nothing like having it fitted) and the next time I have sex – for the first time ever in half a lifetime of fucking – it will be without any kind of contraceptive.

That thought gives me a strange, excited sensation in the pit of my stomach. Visions of blastomeres already fill my head.