Synchronous linkhronous

One of the questions in the post below merges into something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few days. Handy.

How desirable/feasible is a stable multi-way relationship?

Plenty feasible, in all sorts of forms. I mentioned Terisa Greenan in a previous post. Her 10-year three-way is described in this Newsweek article. She lives full time with two straight male partners who consider each other roommates.

Then there are people who have long-term secondary relationships. Trawling the archives of Mistress Matisse or Twisted Monk (both blogs, images SFW) gives some insight into their set-up.

Matisse lives with her long-term partner, Monk lives with his, then the two of them have a separate relationship based around date nights together.

I only know of these guys though their writing, but I get the impression that living apart / spending many nights apart in no way undermines the depth or intensity of their relationship.

From the family point of view this website, although not updated anymore, contains loads of info about a family comprising two males, two females and three children – all living together and co-parenting.

So, yeah, it’s feasible, and given the work required (nothing stable happens by accident), it must be desirable.

Do I desire it? Yes. But how much commitment I’d want from a stable situation is debateable.

The alternative (no commitment at all) is swingers’ parties, one night stands, and cruising online, none of which massively flicks my switch.

But there’s a complex spectrum between there and say, four people who all consider themselves married and sleep together in a custom-made bed.

At this stage, I can’t imagine a third party living with me and the Boy, but that doesn’t mean it would never happen. And the idea of something less serious but still stable seems very feasible.

Which brings me to the things I’ve been pondering recently, but I think I need to ponder when I’m not at work.



  Imitating life and art. « Cheese sammiches and sex wrote @

[…] and other nice people, Poly questions, Psyche stuff, Relationships So around the time I was asked the question below, I was (briefly) living it. A very desirable and pleasingly feasible third party rocked up and […]

  Kate wrote @

belatedly to this, but there are of course all sorts of feasible permutations of this … such as mine, which of course you know about, and which seems remarkably stable and comfortable. So yeah, I think it’s possible, but only with a great deal of trust and honesty from all concerned. And it’s not easy – it’s hard. But rewarding; very rewarding.

  elle wrote @

O hai. I didn’t think you stopped by here, ver’ nice to see you (replying to your email is on my long list of admin stuff, perhaps I should do it now).

It’s lovely that you guys have developed a sitch so stable and right for you.

Something I’ve found, which I think you’d agree with, is that beside the trust and honesty, you also need a big dose of… courage… faith… (insanity!)… to work through the hard points of the learning curve.

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