Our baby has flippers!

26-30 days post-ovulation

And skin, apparently. And a wee heartbeat. And the fucker’s making me fucking suicidal.

The mood swings are tough. Tougher than the nausea, though thankfully there are touch points that remind me this ISN’T depression.

Depression for me becomes 24/7. I can smile though it, but it’s always there. The bad feelings become background noise – I hear them whenever I listen, and the desire to submit to them is strong – but life limps alongside as best it can.

There is no such constancy with the bad feelings I have now. They flare up bright and strong and unfamiliar and utterly derail me. I have moments when everything stops and I’m completely lost, flailing for a handhold – the sense is definitely one that’s desperate and grabbing.

But they’re over quickly and then I’m ok. The happiness in between is real, not a smile papered over the cracks to keep people distant. Adjusting to the choppy nature is hard, as is not panicking when the waves hit me but I think mostly I can deal with it.

Amazing that such big differences can be wrought by such small changes in chemistry.

Advertisements

2 Comments»

  S wrote @

Hang in there…

It will also get gills IIRC sadly it will come out with no gills and flippers hence we have scuba diving 😎

  elle wrote @

Thanks!

We’re way past gills now. Apparently we’ve got tooth buds, nipples, little five-fingered hands that make fists, and a fully-formed brain and heart. All packed into something the size of a kumquat.

The mood swings are still bad but I’m doing ok. Spending a lot of time wondering who’s going to win the Mortal Kombat battle – Career Girl or Full-time Mum? At this stage it’s anyone’s fight.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: