Sex dream

Woke up from a torrid dream in which I kept trying to kiss a friend of mine. I would put my arms round her and lean in, quite forcefully, and she would twist away and shout at me to stop.

I felt rejected and frustrated, and kept trying to force myself on her (IRL she’s someone who’s a mixture of comfortable and coy about that kind of thing). Back in the dream, she and her boyfriend then tied me by my wrists between two poles.

I was on my knees with my arms pulled far above my head. I felt exposed and turned on, and confused about why I had been tied up. I begged the girl to get me off but she kept saying no. I woke up with my arms still aching.

I think it’s fair to say this dream represents a degree of sexual frustration. This pregnancy lark has thrown a real spanner in the sexual works. My body doesn’t respond to stimuli the way it used to, and everything is sensitive in a way I don’t know how to cope with (J accidentally brushed his hand against my nipples twice after I asked him to avoid them and I damn near killed him).

We are trying to start over without any expectations, but I almost feel I’ve forgotten what to do. Our roles feel different; I can’t figure out how our bodies relate to each other right now. I’d quite like to sleep with someone other than J – someone I don’t have such an emotional connection with – just to see if it helps.

J and I come at sex with other people from opposite viewpoints though. For him it is something that should be an addition to good sex at home – to want it when things aren’t so good is a rejection. For me changing the status quo when things aren’t so great is a positive way to refuel and bring energy back to the relationship between J and I.

Either way something needs to change. I can’t see the current situation being sustainable.

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