The slut: quantified and qualified

Every so often I realise people’s assumptions about me don’t match reality – I guess this happens to all of us. Most recently it took place during a conversation with a drunken other about numbers of conquests.

The other person categorised “up to 30” as “normal”, although personally I suspect that’s a little above average for their age group. But I didn’t see the benefit in trying to convince them, drunk and determined, that the truth might be otherwise.

However, they went on to say “You’ve obviously slept with loads more. I bet at least 50,” and there seemed to be value in pointing out that the true figure is somewhat lower.

My dear husband was a pleasingly even and divisible number 20, and I consider most of my whoring to have been done before I met him. Of course, we’ve been slutting it up together since then, but even so the figure has barely doubled. And that’s for a generous definition of sex – including all the girls (strap-ons or no) and plenty of boys where there were genitals but no actual penises in vaginas involved.

But the person I was talking to wasn’t interested in challenging assumptions – I’m a slut, and sluts have sex with lots of people. Quod erat demonstrandum. Thing is, I’m happy to be thought of as slutty, but I don’t think it comes down to notches on bedposts.

Perhaps instead it’s a question of sex with strangers? Another assumption I’ve discussed with a friend is the idea that I must have lots of one-night stands. In reality, the number of times I’ve gone out partying, met and fucked someone and never seen them again can be counted on one hand. It just doesn’t float my boat.

But if I’m not having sex with large volumes of unknown people, who am I fucking?

While I was doing the seating plan for the wedding I got bored and started thinking statistics. After omitting anyone ineligible (defined as related to me via blood or marriage, involved in my up-bringing in any way, or under the age of consent) I worked out I’d had sex with about a quarter of the guests.

I’m basically happiest fucking my friends, and will loyally continue to do so for years rather than seeking lots of new conquests. But some things that define me are traditionally perceived as slutty: I like to have lots of no-strings sex; I enjoy having sex with several people at once; I like watching my husband fuck people.

I’m also happy to talk about these things, from which point people join the dots backward to the types of assumptions above. Rightly or wrongly, it’s easy (and sometimes helpful) to categorise in this way.

I’ve said before I’m not too concerned about boxes; the only right or wrong I think we need to worry about is a sex life that makes us happy. Whether that means fucking lots of new people, a handful of friends, or one person for a lifetime doesn’t matter, just as the labels we choose and the tallies we keep are incidental.

We just need to accept that we are free to make honest choices about who, when and how we fuck, and we can embrace sluttery (in all its forms) at its happiest. 🙂

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