This is not a pipe dream

Cheese sammiches and sex

This is not a pipe dream

December 2, 2008 at 8:20 am · Filed under Cheese sammich, Family, Friends and other nice people, Travel

I have no idea who reads this blog. According to the stats, hundreds of you. According to the comments, about half a dozen.

If you know me well and you’re hearing this news for the first time, I apologise for the impersonal means of its conveyance.

I’m moving to muthafuckin Singapore!!!!!

I’m very excited, but really quite scared at the same time.

Things I’m excited by:

• Adventures
• Leaving my comfort zone
• Sunshine
• Diving
• Bao
• Quality time with Jonty

Things I’m scared of:

• Leaving my comfort zone
• Missing my sister
• Feeling lonely
• Giving up weed

It’s kinda reassuring that the pro list is longer than the con one, except that the negatives are accompanied by a general sense of abject terror.

Needless to say, I’m not sleeping very well.

Last night went something like:

0000: Fall asleep

0400: Wake up

Feel compelled to get out of bed and write lists of all the things one needs to do in order to emigrate

0430: Get back into bed shivering

Stare at the ceiling for an hour, while entrails squirm and saliva turns to cotton

0530: Eventually manage to distract myself with dirty thoughts

0600: Make myself come, finally able to fall asleep

0630: Alarm goes off. Argh!

I agonised for months about my motivations for getting married, and whether it was the right decision for me, but I never once lost sleep over it; skipping country is something I’ve wanted to do for years and now it’s happening it’s driving me crazy!

It is super-exciting though. London life is great, but my imp of the perverse wants to take the Etch-a-sketch and shake things up a bit.

The trouble is, at four am it feels like I’m about to drop kick the Etch-a-sketch off a cliff.

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9 Comments»

elle wrote @ December 2, 2008 at 8:29 am

My imp of the perverse also has a well-developed sense of irony.

The absurdity of my moving to one of the strictest, most puritanical places in the world has been noted.

What can I say, sometimes a wayward girl needs some serious discipline 😉

s wrote @ December 2, 2008 at 10:14 pm

I read it on a regular basis…Singapore…hmm I love the place…would I live there? Hmm. On my first visit after 2 days I had a suicidal urge to spit on the street. There is caning and caning.

All the best to you both!

elle wrote @ December 3, 2008 at 11:26 am

I understand that urge! I was riding pillion on a bike at the weekend and kept wanting to let go, just to see what would happen.

Canings where limbs get broken? Think they’re safely on the hard limit list. Apparently it’s only guys who get judicial canings though: wiki.

elle wrote @ December 3, 2008 at 12:09 pm

More scary (from the same wikipedia page as above):

Despite the perception that caning of children is a prevalent practice in Singapore, a Straits Times newspaper article cited a study that shows only about 20% of parents use this form of punishment.

1/5 th of all children are physically abused??! I’d call that horribly prevalent!

s wrote @ December 9, 2008 at 6:14 am

Packing could present an interesting problem….are you going to take a suitcase of interesting insertables, strap-ons, clamps, etc. through Singapore custom or will sanoty prevail? 😎

elle wrote @ December 9, 2008 at 11:55 am

Yeah, we def need to sort out the toy box.

I’m quite attached (sometimes physically) to most of the stuff in there though – I can’t see myself wanting to leave too much of it behind.

Not sure about Sing customs though, perhaps we can ship stuff?

s wrote @ December 10, 2008 at 7:27 pm

Well you may struggle (oh ah). Whilst I’ve taken stuff around Europe and to the UK from the US it has never been a lot and not illegal. Hence more embarrasing than problematic. (Of course having her take it when possible is a neat option)

Custom people and especially Singaporian ones have no humour..

http://www.customs.gov.sg/leftNav/trav/Dutiable+Controlled+and+Prohibited+Goods.htm

Do not bring this:
Chewing gum (except oral dental and medicated gum)
Chewing tobacco and imitation tobacco products
Cigarette lighters of pistol or revolver shape
Controlled drugs and psychotropic substances
Endangered species of wildlife and their by-products
Firecrackers
Obscene articles, publications, video tapes/discs and software

so chewing gum and smoking wearing a fur coat (and little else) when setting off firecrackers and looking at porn will properly send you to jail for a long time. 😦

I suggest doing what the oil workers did…simply fly off for R and R to Thailand/Phillipies/Vietnam etc.

Should your toys need a home I am sure we can help 😎

elle wrote @ December 11, 2008 at 8:40 am

so chewing gum and smoking wearing a fur coat (and little else) when setting off firecrackers and looking at porn will properly send you to jail for a long time

Which is a shame, cos you just described my standard Saturday afternoon.

Seriously though, no porn? Of any sort? Am I gonna have to wipe my hard drive? Eep!

s wrote @ December 15, 2008 at 9:36 am

but but that is schocking..you chew gum?!?!?!

I guess wearing a strap-on and suggest to the custom officials they get down so you can make them Your bitches whilst a most iinteresting mental image is not likly to get You through customs without problems.

As always the risk is there albeit low. I would certainly clean the desktop, recent docuemtns and favourites etc. Fact is if: it there and they look they will find it. There is always an external drive with your friends in Thailand.

Best

Cheese sammiches and sex