And then there were two

Non-monogamy is not just about sex. Love plays a big part as well.

It’s easy to love more than one person – ask anyone with kids. It’s also easy to love your friends. Once you start sleeping with the friends you already love, things do get a little tangled.

One of those friends once explained a model of love where he saw himself as a central sphere, with lines radiating from it – one for each of the important people in his life. The thickness (or was it length?) of the line correlated with various measure of the relationship with that person.

He was trying to awkwardly tell me he L-word-ed me, without saying anything inappropriate or freaking me out (back at ya, kiddo). It wasn’t inappropriate, cos I already felt that love can transcend traditional family or sexual relationships and manifest in a host of different ways between the two.

Where am I going with this? Well, I’d already steeled myself to say goodbye to all my favourite naked friends. I just hadn’t counted on how hard it would be to bid farewell to some of those more transcendental people.

There is someone I kissed recently that I probably would’ve ended up in bed with if I’d stuck around (hopefully you know who you are). There is someone I kissed a very long time ago who has been running round my head more and more lately (hopefully you don’t know who you are). There is someone I loved “before we even met” (so glad we survived).

Jonty is my life and my soul. “For the first time I would rather travel with someone else than on my own.” We are two trippy peas in a far out pod, facing the world together fighting. We are many other aphorisms and cliches besides, and I would certainly never uproot my life unless he was happy to uproot his.

As long as I have him by my side I am safe, but that doesn’t change the sadness I felt when I woke up this morning. There feels like a lot of person-sized holes in my life today.



  justjss wrote @

You and the Boy sound like quite a pair …

and Singapore! I hope you’ll still have time to write, since I only just discovered your blog. 😉

  elle wrote @

Thanks! Interesting site of your own – bookmarked so I can read it properly once I’ve settled into S’pore.

Open relationships in a closed country could well become the theme of this blog for a while (fingers crossed!).

No idea how it will work out, but I’ll keep notes!

  justjss wrote @

Well, I see an article in The China Daily from 2006 that sounds promising:

Swingers swap sex partners in prudish Singapore

When are you going? I’ll look forward to hearing about it all …

  elle wrote @

Interesting link, thanks.

Oral (and anal, for that matter) was legalised in S’pore in 2007, as long as you have the good grace to do it with someone of the opposite sex. Any gay sex is still against the law.

I’ve already gone! I arrived here on Monday evening so am just starting to settle into a whole new life.

I also have a Singapore journal but I sent the link to my mum so as you can imagine the content is far more pedestrian than you’ll find here.

  MinMin wrote @

“couples recommend good sex partners and criticize those who aren’t” ??? What a horrible thought!

  elle wrote @

I know! Although I wanna go to a S’pore swingers party at some point, just for the lulz. I imagine it’ll be hideously awkward.

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