…begins with two blue lines.
Two blue lines that I am staring at in the toilets at work, half jumping around, half panicking about what to do next. They aren’t the first lines – there were two earlier, pink ones.
The second pink one was so faint I hadn’t really believed it was there, and sort of hadn’t wanted to believe. But I checked the pack insert and it said however pale, consider yourself pregnant.
That hadn’t felt great, oddly. I’d been angry, sad, frustrated about the idea of leaving an amazing job 10 months after starting. Resentful that J would never have to make that career choice, or stop drinking, or completely remodel his body for the sake of a babe.
But then I took the second test, and despite all that initial negativity I found myself thinking “Please say yes, please say yes,” while I waited for the lines to appear.
And here we are. Two of us. Except the second of us is less than 1mm long and looks like this:
Neurulation at about 16 days post ovulation
Oddly enough, having erroneously declared myself pregnant countless times before, it blindsided me when it happened for real. I think I’ve previously grouped together a set of signs, and associated those with being pregnant. Even though I was wrong each time it still reinforced the signs I thought I was looking for.
In reality it was less like bad PMS than I’d been expecting. Some of the signs were similar – my boobs have been insanely sore and I’ve felt bloated – but the things that stood out to other people were stuffing myself with carbs, being oddly edgy, and feeling hungover without drinking. Based on those both M and J called it earlier in the week, but I didn’t believe either of them.
The strangest thing I’ve noticed is that I smell different. Not different as in bad – just that we each have our own scent (hence a perfume will suit one person but not another) but normally we don’t notice it cos we are exposed to it permanently. But a small change is enough that we can become aware of it again. For the past two weeks I’ve noticed the smell of warm skin moving around – weird and likely related.
$64,000 question – is it gonna affect our lifestyle? As long as people still want to fuck an edgy married pregnant lady, this edgy married pregnant lady is still gonna fuck. 🙂
Cheese sammiches and sex 
Congratulations and good luck! Children are the greatest gift.
Thanks for the good wishes. As I mention in the newer post above, it’s a bit early to get *too* excited, but I’m sure that won’t stop me window shopping for baby clothes.