Some speak the sounds, but speak in silent voices
I feel odd this morning. I felt odd last Monday too. Life not balanced. Mondays mean a knot of work somethings (adrenaline), and life has been too many people in too many spaces that should be just mine (misanthrope). My parents and their friend have been staying, which means three extra bodies chain smoking and talking when I want to write. Today, today is silence. It is beautiful. The city is still half asleep and the sounds are just me and the a/c and my beautiful clicky keyboard. It means more space inside my head to feel sad, but sometimes I need that. The boom/bust/polarization of people staying means bad feelings about guests get parceled up with a ribbon of guilt. All is tempered by the fact that each goodbye feels so fucking final.
Imitating life and art.
So around the time I was asked the question below, I was (briefly) living it. A very desirable and pleasingly feasible third party rocked up and stuck around for five days, half of which while the Boy was out of town, the rest after the Boy returned.
(Perhaps I should come up with some fun but non-identifying handles for people, but the reason J and I used our own names at swingers parties wasn’t to make a bold lifestyle statement, it was just paucity of imagination. So Boy = J, other boy = old friend.)
Synchronous linkhronous
One of the questions in the post below merges into something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few days. Handy.
How desirable/feasible is a stable multi-way relationship?
Open for business
I seem to be adopting a vague advice-giving role. It’s kinda fun, and nice to be reaching a point where I actually have useful experience to draw on. (Aside: Aunt Agony would be a great nom de plume for a column about SM.)
Questions in the pending pile include:
• The aforementioned 2a – which went something like, “Yes, yes, that’s how you act, but what about how you don’t act? What about overcoming fear and the instinct to defend against invasion?” (wrt falling for third parties)
• Then we have “Is a permanent multiway relationship desirable and achievable?”
• “You’ve mentioned affairs and dishonesty. What changed?”
Anyone want to know anything else?
Hot boy-on-boy action
The Q&A session continues.
Question 2 garnered some interesting responses that necessitate a 2a section, but that will be long and require thought so I’ll save it for a more self-important moment.
Instead I’m forging ahead with question 3:
How do you deal with another guy in the room, assuming J isn’t bi?
Have fun kids, and stay safe!
I mention my open lifestyle here a fair amount, and hint at the actualities (last weekend: Bangkok, five star hotel, five naked people, far too much fun) but I’m not sure how much of it is, well, useful.
Yet I find myself answering questions and giving advice (as best I can) quite frequently in real life. So, at risk of sounding self-important, I’m gonna try and translate some of that to these hallowed pages, starting with three specific questions from a friend.
Warning: this is only the answer to question one, and it’s l-o-n-g! Perhaps it’s time to make the columns wider.
How do you and J avoid hurting each other?
Hypochondria is a confusing word
I was going to go into this in the last post, but I realised it would be too long and distracting, so for all you etymology lovers out there, here it is.
Pushing back the foreskin of knowledge
Incongruously, I think the title of this post comes from Judy Blume. It’s certainly a quote from a children’s book – I was young enough to be shocked when I read it.
A better title might have been ‘Sleeping with Thai hookers so you don’t have to’ but that wouldn’t have been truthful. The woman took our money and ran long before anyone got laid.
